I’m blogging this from Steve’s grandfather’s computer. I’m really not totally comfortable with this foreign computer. I don’t like the keyboard and the mouse is all weird. Does it make my butt look big? And also he’s got a police scanner right next to the monitor and it’s really distracting. I need a list of police codes so I know what the hell they’re talking about because I keep having to pause while I yell “SHOOT HIM! JUST SHOOT HIM!”
And Pop’s dog is rotten. Yes, you read that right, totally rotten. The dog is a 200 year old rat and smells like he’s already dead. His breath is so kicken’ you can smell it from across the room. When he yawns I gag.
We stood in line for over an hour on Saturday just to get x-rayed at the airport. I’ve never seen the lines that long at an airport. And then they made me get naked before I walked through the metal detectors. Seriously, what the hell is the point of a METAL DETECTOR if I have to walk through in my underwear anyway? They made us take off our belts, clothes, and shoes and when I turned around, Steve had pretty much lost his pants. He grabbed them before they hit the floor though.
SHOOT HIM! SHOOT HIM! Sorry, I think there’s a chase going on right now. I can’t believe you vultures were all disappointed that Steve was home because you wouldn’t get to watch the train wreck that has been my life. You’ll be happy to know, that the curse has followed me. I was standing next to the microwave at my parent’s house last night. Wait- SHOOT HIM! SHOOT HIM! (Someone stole a car!) Anyway, I was standing next the microwave, Steve was in front of it and it blew up. I shoved Steve out of the way before he got the family jewels burned off. (It’s an under counter microwave.) There was a fire inside and everything. I think my mother was just relieved I wasn’t standing next to her car at that particular moment.
I hear people have arrived in the other room. I think I’m expected to go be social. Let’s see if you all can be civil and not root for more carnage. My life’s complicated enough. 
November 20, 2006 at 5:43 pm
Wow. Excitement follows you no matter where you are.
You won’t need a list of police 10 codes to far in the future, when you are hanging out at your grandfather-in-laws police scanner. Evidently, they don’t have consistent meaning (go Government!) and are going to be phased out.
November 20, 2006 at 5:44 pm
NAKED? at the airport. Maybe I need to go get me a job as an airport screener.
November 20, 2006 at 8:23 pm
Hey…next to smashing peoples guitars while I am visiting them is accidently killing their pets. Have Fun
November 20, 2006 at 8:35 pm
Beau- But then I won’t be able to shout SHOOT THEM! SHOOT THEM! Like I have Tourette’s. LOL!
Richard- LOL! They made me strip down to my undershirt and pants. Next time it will to my bra and underwear.
Shaymus- Then you can’t come over to my house.
LOL!
November 20, 2006 at 11:58 pm
Are you ever NOT funny?
November 21, 2006 at 9:42 am
Wow, this sounds like craziness! Now Helen, what exactly did you put in the microwave???
November 21, 2006 at 10:00 am
Allen- Of course I’m not funny. I’m never funny when I’m sleeping!
Seb- STEVE PUT BUTTER! I had nothing to do with it. Unless you count that he was melting it for me. But still.
November 21, 2006 at 1:11 pm
I have the feeling that Helen, you’d be funny even when sleeping…or possibly even frightening with the intense ‘odd’ dreams you have you’d be screaming in your sleep…’shoot him, shoot him’. That could be disastrous. love the stories though!!
November 21, 2006 at 3:36 pm
Stan- LOL! I probably scream SHOOT HIM in my sleep, most definitely!