I forgot where I was going with this….

I want to thank you all for all your kind words and I’m sorry I haven’t had a chance to answer your comments individually. We were doing fairly well considering all, in the first few days but yesterday Steve and I settled into a fog. The viewing is today, with the funeral tomorrow. 

I know the full brunt of grief will hit me today at the viewing. And we’ve taken care of almost everything so we’re no longer distracted with details. The strain of living on coffee and pills is starting to take it’s toll. Now we’re starting to speak non-sensically. The other day, I went to put chapstick on my lips only to discover as I put it to my lips that it was a glue stick. Yesterday I was trying to put zit medicine on a pimple and my son walked in as I was doing it and said “Mom why are you rubbing toothpaste on yourself?” And I looked down in horror to realize I was indeed rubbing toothpaste on myself. My face broke out not only in pimples, but I am also sporting a very nice cold sore to boot.

So I just wanted to let everyone know I’m alive, although precariously so if I keep trying to glue my lips shut and slather toothpaste on myself. Thank you all for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers.

Gerald Jordan Teixeira
July 24, 1932- December 24, 2006

Rest in peace, Pop. We love you.

Just bought one way tickets back to California. Flying in at midnight on Christmas Day. Sigh. I hope we’re not too late.

I can no longer control the amount of spam I’m getting and sift through it to find comments that were accidentally caught in the filter. There’s currently 350 sitting in Akismet and I’m getting a couple of hundred a day. If your comment gets caught in the spam filter, send me an email (imhelendt athotmail dotcom), with your comment and I will post it for you. Sorry about that folks. But my enlarged b0obs, limp johnson and weight have become an epic problem that needs a constant barrage of reminders. Apparently I’ve also forgotten to order my pr3scription dr ugs online, am in desperate need of a wa tch AND I seem to be the ONLY person who hasn’t seen the cr0tch shots of Brittany Spears. Sigh.

Hospice just informed my MIL that Pop is in the first stages of passing. It’s a problem because there are no flights, no trains, nothing available to get back to the Bay Area this close to Christmas. We could drive, but the pass in Oregon may or may not be open. Not sure what we’re going to do. I’m exhausted just thinking about it. If you’re the praying type, say a prayer for him……

My inner chi has been missing for about a month. I recovered it at the gym today. Apparently, that’s where I left it. I worked out until I turned every muscle in my body to jello. When I finished the last crunch, I stared up at the ceiling from the floor and let the endorphins course through me like I had taken a boatload of narcotics. And there, right there on the floor, I realized where my inner chi had been all along.

It has been an emotionally draining few days. Well, first there was the storm, adding a little stress, then when we got to California, we discovered that Pop’s health has declined significantly just since we were there 2.5 weeks ago. The cancer is taking it’s toll. It is hard to watch cancer rob him of his vitality and strength. Pop’s always been so active and strong and now he’s…well, frail. It’s a terrifying thing to realize that even your heroes are only mortal.

On son #2’s birthday Pop got really sick and was in severe pain. I gave him 13 doses of Morphine, 4 Vicodin and 3 Ativan and it didn’t even make a dent in his pain. That was enough narcotics to put down 3 elephants. And he has a HUGE pain threshold. I’ve never felt so helpless in all my life just sitting there watching him suffer. I was terrified that I was going to kill him with the massive doses of Morphine I was giving him, but I was following the hospice nurse’s orders to the letter.

If you smoke, I implore to visit with someone dying of lung cancer. I promise you will never smoke again. It is a painful, agonizing and slow death. It is probably one of the worst deaths you can imagine. I have tried to make it very clear to my children that these are the consequences of smoking and I hope it will prevent them from ever even taking a drag off a cigarette.

In other news, you’ll all be amused to know that I ran to the grocery store during the trip and I actually got CARDED! I was pulling stuff out of my basket when the guy said something I didn’t hear. I said “What?” He said louder “May I see your ID?” and I just stood there and waited for him to laugh. When he didn’t I said “Are you serious?” and he got all upset like I was trying to B.S. my way into buying some beer because I was 14. I almost said “Duuuudddddeeeeeee” but handed him my ID at which time he tried to recover from looking shocked. I said “Thanks. I haven’t been carded in at least 10 years.” lol.

I’m glad I found my chi again. I was feeling so edgy and tense. I’m hoping to stay relaxed through the rest of the holidays this year. I may end up having to hit the gym twice a day to make it through, but I’m determined to keep my exercise induced high intact. Get high everyone, go exercise. lol.

To see pictures of the huge Pacific Northwest wind storm visit my Flickr page.

Just wanted to let you all know I’m still alive….barely. Thursday a tremendous storm swept through the Pacific Northwest. Our power was wiped out Thursday night. We were due to leave for California on Saturday, although Seatac was closed on Friday. Temperatures were dropping into the 20s and there was no heat. We played board games by fire and candlelight with the neighbors to pass the time. We “group” cooked, as some people had no stove or hot water. We have a gas stove and water heater so I made mac and cheese. Our neighbors barbequed and we all ate together with whatever food was still good. (And not a lot I tell you!) And I was so cold, I actually drank alcohol to keep warm. Course, that made for some lively board game playing from a very mouthy me. lol. (And I did not get a migraine! WOO HOO!) So three weeks after losing all our food in one fridge, we have now lost all food in both fridges and all three freezers. Sigh. All the new replacement food I bought is bad.

At 6:10 am on Saturday morning the knock of the limo driver to take us to the airport was what woke us up. We did end up making our flight but it was close. And nearly impossible to get ready and finish packing in the dark. We ended up leaving a bunch of Christmas presents on accident.

I believe the power was restored yesterday, but have not been able to completely verify that. 24 houses in our neighborhood had trees fall on them (I will post pictures when we return to Seattle tomorrow, provided we have power.) Cars were crushed, trees blocking streets, it looked like a hurricane had come through there. Every house on our street had trees fall on it, except ours. Cranes were lifting the trees off of houses and cars at $3,000 a pop. What struck me then, as always about Washington, was in the morning, people started trickling out of their homes to survey the damage, and groups of neighbors just started working together to clean up. There is such a sense of community instead of individuals in Washinton. In California, people would be cleaning up their own houses and keeping to themselves instead of congregating at houses with the worst damage and trying to help clean up. People walked from house to house checking on each other. Those with chainsaws walked around to neighbors and started cutting up the large trunks and trees blocking the road. THIS is why I love where we live so much. It’s a part of the world still untouched by selfishness, self centeredness and hate. It’s still that proverbial village it takes to raise a family. I’ll take gray skies and rain any day to be able to live among other people like this.

I’ve got to get going, I’ll hopefully be able to answer comments and visit your blogs when we return to Seattle.

New Pictures from the Microsoft Visual Studio Christmas Party. Where we played pool, gambled and boogied down all night long. Fabulous party! Except where people kept coming up to me and saying “I read your blog” whereby I would inwardly think “Oh S$(*&%! What did I say recently?” LOL!

More pics to come. Having trouble getting them off my phone….

Steve says I’ve got a hair trigger. And it’s so sensitive that I find AIR annoying. He might be right. Although I find air helpful right now. But later, if it stinks or something, I know I will find that irritating too.

Today’s projects: Packing, Teacher Gifts, Christmas Gifts, Birthday Gifts, GAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I don’t want to think about all that I have to do. I *SO* wish I was a drinker. Then next week someone could check me into Betty Ford for detox. Sigh.

One of the FIVE YEAR OLDS says to Steve at half time during the basketball game Saturday: “Excuse me, Coach? I need to take a mocha break. I’m parched.”

It’s getting to me. The holidays. Going back to California. Too much time doing everything for everyone else this week when I have stuff to do of my own. I am wound VERY tightly. Really REALLY tightly. So tight in fact………………that I forgot where I was going with this. It’s been happening a lot this week. I stand frozen in the middle of a room, unable to remember where I was going, what I was doing or what I was going to do. And I keep eating cookies from that effin’ cookie exchange that I went to because I don’t have enough time to stop and have a meal or make myself something to eat.

The bulging disc in my back that has caused me pain and sciatica for the last 18 months, seems to have shifted and is creating alarming new symptons such as weakness and numbing in my right leg. I go to take a step and it feels as if I have no leg there. It’s there but I can’t actually put weight on it because I’m not even sure I’m standing on it. And like I have time to go see a doctor right now anyway.

We are leaving at the butt crack of dawn on Saturday morning and I still have no one to take care of the dogs. My trainer usually takes care of them for me, but he has a funeral to go to out of town. The kennel we usually use can’t keep them the 4 extra hours until we get off the plane Tuesday. So I am freaking out. As Simba barks his fool head off outside.

The kids are acting out. Badly. And that guy that I’m married to? Haven’t seen him. He had this new brilliant idea that he’d do this new working schedule where he’d go in really early one day a week and stay really late one day and then work reasonable hours the other days. But this is Steve the workaholic we’re talking about, so he’s going in an hour earlier than usual EVERY day and then staying a couple of hours later EVERY day. I think he was just looking for a way to work more hours and trying to sneak it by me.

A parent saw me in the hall at school today and said “You’re here like…….. every day…… like……. all day.” Yeah…… like……. I know. And my pants have new and quite brilliant orange and red paint stains. And I found the red paint, but not the thief. It was put back in the cabinet, like they never stole it from my box.

On a more comedic note, we live across the street from the Griswalds. Every night there are more lights up. To the point of me acquiring a sunburn while I sit in the living room. Last night I went over and knocked on the door. Michele answers and I said “I’m looking for the Griswalds.” She points to the living room and says “He’s in there.” I yelled “I’m on to you! Every night there’s just a few more lights up, Griswald!” He swore he’s done. I’m skeptical. And I’m pretty sure a 747 tried to land in their driveway last night. So pardon me while I sit here with my sunglasses on. It’s hard to see the screen with the glare from across the street. I put on spf 50, but I think I might need to go reapply. My face is feeling burned again…..

You guys just have no idea what I’ve been through this week. JUST NO IDEA. You sit there in your warm comfy chair, surfin’ the net, whilst I am among dozens of screaming children wielding clothes staining paints, splattering it everywhere, and I bet you didn’t wear a streak of purple paint between your eyes today.

Yes I’m teaching art this week again. I thought I was being savvy doing the same project for the fourth grade and both kindergarten classes. I thought it would save prep time. Actually there were many thoughts that I had. We won’t talk about those thoughts. None of them involved flying paint or stains on my pants or a purple forehead. Actually to be precise, as I know all you techy types are, the color was magenta. Hot pink. But I was mixing it with blue to make purple. Because some moron watered down the purple paint. And someone else stole my red paint. Seriously, I better not find the paint stealer or we’re having words. Strong words. I’ve had to beg, borrow and steal supplies. But I’m sure no one noticed I borrowed from Peter to pay Paul. That is, if I can find the red paint theif and put it back before anyone notices it’s gone. Sigh.

So after I’m done with art, it’s music time in the kindergarten class. And the regular music teacher is absent so they send a sub. OMFG. You would not believe it. I will tell you and you will not believe it. This woman charges into the room, 40 minutes late. She looks like she had been sleeping in a dumpster prior to entering the classroom. She was a heavy-set woman, and was wearing a ratty t-shirt WITH NO BRA. She was smuggling walnuts. Did she wake up this morning and go “Hmmm. I’m going to wear a worn T shirt so thin you can see the hair on my stomach, without a bra, so that I can jiggle and poke the small children’s eyes out with my nipples and make the parents run from the room screaming. Yeah. That’s what I’ll do.” So keep in mind this woman is a MUSIC teacher. She comes in and tells the kids to sing her a song. Which she does not sing with them. Then she turns on a tape of someone reading The Night Before Christmas. No music. No singing. It was a complete and utter waste of time. Not to mention her sweatpants and t-shirt were completely innappropriate. I’m pretty sure someone dragged her out a dumpster, took away her shopping cart and sent her to teach music.

Monday’s art class with the fourth graders gave me a 6 hour headache. And someone painted my back. And my leg. And my other leg. And my arm. I only see two legs painted after today’s class. I wore jeans I don’t like anymore. I’m headed back to school shortly to teach another class. And dear God, if this class has music today, I’m telling the teacher that *I* will fill in instead of dumpter lady. Seriously. Get a bra. And a clue. I don’t want your nipples scaring my kids anymore.

So that’s my day so far. Oh and the weather is hideous. Never in my life have I seen it rain, hail and snow all at the same time. With a wind that knocks you off your feet. Perhaps that caused the nippular issues. But a bra. That’s all I’m saying.

“Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.”
–Sam Brown

Discuss amongst yourselves.

In case you haven’t noticed I am EXTREMELY busy right now. Thus blogging, visiting blogs and answering comments is very difficult. It’s not that I don’t love you, but we’re on a time out (Ross was TOTALLY right, they WERE on a time out!). We will return to your regularly scheduled program shortly. And you people need to stop wrecking the place and taking stuff while I’m gone. I’ve already had to have one of my people quash the anarchy.

And with all the geek talk, I’ve had to take three showers today just to get the nerd off me. You people have done AT LEAST 4d8 of damage in the last 48 hours. Lucky for you people I have a 19 Charisma. ;D

Steve and I are discussing kids and sports:

Steve: I never was in any organized sports as a young kid. I did one season of little league. That’s it.
Me: You read?
Steve: No, mostly I drew.
Me: Oh I thought you read.
Steve: Well, I guess I did, but I read enclyclopedias.
Me: <wide eyed stare> Don’t ever say that out loud again, please.
Steve: <laughter>
Me: Excuse me, I’ll be right back, I have to go do something.
Steve: <chasing me> YOU’RE NOT BLOGGING THIS!!!

When Steve sees me take out my phone now he runs. He knows that whatever he is doing at that precise moment is about to be blogged and has begun to run away to try to avoid being blogged. But, tonight he was just asking for it. I mean, honestly. If it’s 40 something degrees out, AND you’re going out to dinner with your family, you know people are going to see you, right? So it’s perfectly within my rights to blog what that man wore to dinner tonight. Let’s start at the feet. Flip Flops. In 40 degree weather. Then mesh basketball shorts. That look like the rags I use to clean with. Then a T-shirt and sweatshirt. THEN HIS DRESSY WOOL PEA COAT. This is the best photo I could get because he kept running away:

That’s right, he is HOT, ladies. Stop clawing each other’s eyes out to try and get at him. Because nothing says sexy like a wool pea coat and flip flops. It’s what all the flashers are wearing these days. I know, you’re all jealous that such hotness is all rolled up into one dork man, but try to control yourselves, ladies. He’s mine. All mine. I’m so proud.

You are The Empress

Beauty, happiness, pleasure, success, luxury, dissipation.

The Empress is associated with Venus, the feminine planet, so it represents,
beauty, charm, pleasure, luxury, and delight. You may be good at home
decorating, art or anything to do with making things beautiful.

The Empress is a creator, be it creation of life, of romance, of art or business. While the Magician is the primal spark, the idea made real, and the High Priestess is the one who gives the idea a form, the Empress is the womb where it gestates and grows till it is ready to be born. This is why her symbol is Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love. Even so, the Empress is more Demeter, goddess of abundance, then sensual Venus. She is the giver of Earthly gifts, yet at the same time, she can, in anger withhold, as Demeter did when her daughter, Persephone, was kidnapped. In fury and grief, she kept the Earth barren till her child was returned to her.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Thanks to Bice and Fringes for the link.

I’m sure you’re all wondering about my post traumatic California stress disorder. The eye twitch has gone, but has been replaced by an upper lip twitch. I still feel the urge to start screaming and not stop. Ever. I can’t sit down without bouncing my leg up and down, and  someone asked me yesterday if I had to pee really bad. Steve and I decided we must have a Seattle Christmas after all for our own sanity. So we’re making a quick trip down there the 16-19 (yes, that’s nine days from now and I think my eye started twitching again just saying that). And we’re going to have a Seattle Christmas after all. Sledding on Christmas Eve with hot chocolate, and Christmas day dinner in our jammies. I get verklempt just thinking about it…..

I’m going shopping in a real store. Ok I already went shopping in a real store. I needed to get an outfit for the Microsoft Christmas party. Then I got home and Steve comes upstairs with the invitation and it says FORMAL so I have to wear a dress and can’t wear what I bought. FRICK! So since I’ve already broken my Christmas vow not to shop in public, I’m going to a toy store to shop for the kids today. They saw some really cool stuff they like there. Sigh. Just once this decade I would love to not be forced into a mall at Christmastime!!!!!

For discounts and coupons visit Flamingo World I always check there before I checkout online. Saved $20 today. Woo hoo! Once I saved $96 on shipping. Gotta love Flamingo World!

Steve’s gone again ’til Thursday. If anything leaks, breaks, floods, or explodes, I’m blaming you.

I’ve been tagged. I know, it’s very unlike me. I’m usually pretty slippery when it comes to these things. When I was younger, I avoided chain letters on pure instinct. It’s like I knew what was in the envelope. And I’d throw it away or have someone else open it so as not the catch the inevitable bad luck that would come with opening and not forwarding a chain letter. I think some people died because of that, or at least contracted the plague and had an arm fall off, but I never touched it so I’m good. It’s a good thing that MeMes are far less dangerous and I don’t have to write 6 copies.

So here you are, Sebastien, six weird things about me (seriously, as if you needed MORE):

1. I have a pathological fear of Australia. That’s right. I’m terrified of the subcontinent Australia. Because pretty much if it can kill you, it lives in Australia. The world’s most dangerous sharks, deadly sea wasps and assorted deadly marine life live there, like 9 of the world’s 10 most deadly snakes live in Australia, the most deadly frogs, spiders and other insects, guess what? ALL LIVE IN AUSTRALIA. Go ahead, ask anyone who lives there. Pretty much everything will kill you. Well, that is if you can find anyone alive to ask.

2. I despise public bathrooms. I will hold it until I’m about explode or will take detours to stop by home to avoid public bathrooms. And NEVER, I say NEVER will I take a dump in a public restroom. HIGHLY ILLEGAL. This appears to be related to my germaphobia.

3. I’m a hand washing fanatic. Steve calls me Howard Hughes. Or Howie Mandel. If I have to shake people’s hands, I will not touch anything until I’ve had a chance to wash my hands or at the very least use Purell. Again, germaphobia. You just don’t know where people’s hands have been. They could easily have been playing with hanta virus before I arrived.

4. I am able to ”communicate” in four languages, am fluent in Spanish, although my parents are as gringo as you can get. I have a minor in Spanish. My great grandparents spoke very little English, they spoke Cajun French and my grandmother still uses a lot of Cajun French phrases with me. I can get by in France. Although I can not read or spell in French. Since I grew up only hearing it and never seeing the written word, I only have auditory memory in this language. I try to avoid looking at the spelling of things in French because it confuses me. I am also able to understand Italian, although I am not able to speak it well. I usually just speak Spanish and everyone understands each other. Apparently a gift for language runs in my family, my great grandfather spoke seven languages and my brother can speak Italian and Japanese- also learned in school.

5. You people already know about my feet phobia. For the most part people’s feet are disgusting, smelly, mal shapen, diseased or some other atrocity. I can’t stand looking at people’s ugly feet. Unless they have perfect little feet and toes. Which only happens on foot models. And I don’t meet many feet models.

6. I grew up in a “banana” family. My family owned Standard Fruit and Steamship company. They imported mostly bananas, some fruit, from South and Central America. The company was sold to Castle and Cook (now Dole) in the 1960’s. People my grandfather hired still sit on the board at Dole. They also owned the Roosevelt Hotel in New Orleans which is now the Fairmont New Orleans. My grandfather developed a method to box then import bananas that keeps them from ripening that is still used today. We were never without bananas in the house.

I don’t know the rules of MeMes. So now I have to tag someone else? Ok, here it is. Blame it on Sebastien.

Brandy
Maryam
Melissa
Omni
Susan
Tina
 

Don’t look at me like that. You know you have it. Somewhere, somebody that is related to you is white trash. Don’t even try to deny it. Everyone’s got a least one in their family. Steve and I often tease each other about our recessive white trash genes. I have what he refers to as the “Louisiana Backwoods Relatives”- LBR for short, and he has some- let’s just say “Black Sheep” in the family. With the holidays here, you can imagine the your-relative-is-worse-than-my-relative taunting starts up. We were heatedly arguing whose relative was worse:

Steve: At least MY uncle’s definition of air conditioning does not constitute a fan plugged into the cigarette lighter and mounted on the gun rack.

Me: Oh yeah? Well at least MY relatives have all their teeth!

Steve: You don’t know that. It’s been at least a year since you’ve seen your uncle.

Me: Puleez! He’s got teeth. And at least HE SHOWERS.

Steve: HE KEEPS PIGEONS IN THE BACKYARD AND EATS THEM!

Me: You’ve seen your uncle, right? Don’t even try to deny he hasn’t eaten road kill.

Steve: You’re thinking of YOUR LBR relatives.

And on and on we went with no clear victor in sight. Then, it happened. I’m giddy just typing this. We walked out of Steve’s grandfather’s house and we both stopped dead. We were both rendered completely speechless. Steve’s uncle had parked his car in the driveway. When we were finally able to pick up our jaws off the ground, I started to gleefully giggle and desperately tried to find my cell phone camera. I ran over to the car screaming “YES! YES! YES! OH THIS IS GOOD!” While Steve still just stood there horrified. Slowly he says: “Are those really doorstops holding up the windows?”

And with an ear to ear grin I said “YES!” Slowly he walks over to the car and sadly looks at the hood. “It’s held on with bungee cords and duct taped.” he said bewilderedly. “I know!” I said excitedly.

Son #1 then helpfully pointed out that you couldn’t close the back because of all the recycleables stored back there. Slowly I turned to Steve with a huge, victorious grin “I win!”

10:26 a.m. this morning: arrive at airport for flight
5:51 p.m. Finally walk in the door at HOME SWEET, SWEET HOME

Don’t ask what happened in between.

Anyone who says the words: travel, California or relatives to me will be be severly pummeled. That is all.

You guys think you’re pretty funny, huh? Someone did a voodoo curse on me, didn’t they? I see you all going WHO ME?! But I ask you to explain to me HOW IN THE HELL IS IT THAT I AM STILL IN CALIFORNIA?!?! Mmmm Hmmm. That’s right, I’m still here. Steve and son #1 are home, but son #2 and I are here. Riddle me that.

You see, last night, right about the time you put your voodoo curse on me, I was just zipping up the last suitcase and ready to snack before we left for the airport, when son #2 comes into the room and tells me his ear hurts. I think it’s phantom pain until 10 minutes later he’s still holding it and walking carefully around so as not to jar it. He’s starting to cry. And this is the child with the incredible pain threshold. Do you see where this is going? I race to the pediatrician and manage to get there minutes before they close. And sure enough, son #2’s wicked ear infection is back with a vengeance. Which means….no flying.

So Steve headed home with son #1 and I am a prisoner here. Still. Yes, this entry is tear stained. I’m not even sure you can make out the words. I will never be the same.

I spent a very sleepless night last night with a very sick child. Oh and just a word of caution to others who might try it: Never try (at 4 a.m.) to pour medicine into one of those spoon thingies while laying down and half asleep. It doesn’t work out so well. My phone, which I was using as a flashlight, is still sticky and my mother’s sheets are purple. Although they have a nice fruity smell. Also perhaps for future reference, taking a nip of said child’s codiene might help one sleep through being punched in the face, kicked, poked, jabbed and generally kept awake. Or, when you know you’ve been cursed with a voodoo curse, perhaps you should sleep with one eye open anyway.

Providing that you funny people who think I should stay until New Year’s don’t put another curse on me, my plan is to leave tomorrow. Or I will have to start killing people. One by one. Hey, looks like YOU should sleep with one eye open! I’m on to you!