I don’t do bees. I’m allergic to them and they provoke a visceral fear reaction in me. So imagine my insides when I’m in the kitchen and I hear an extraordinarily loud buzzing coming from the dining room. It’s my birthday, which I’ve already told you is cursed (yes, the curse is still on) so I’m imagining an entire swarm of killer bees laying in wait for me. I cautiously enter the dining room to find the HUGEST bee EVER. It’s about an inch and a half long and as fat as my finger. It’s the godzilla of bees. I face some tough choices here. If I swat at it and miss, it will probably try to attack me. Plus our dining room can not be closed off, so the bee could go after son #1, who in fear, would probably re-break his hip trying to get away. The bee doesn’t look like he’s able to find his way out so I decide the best idea is to trap him in a cup. Which I did. Except, now what? The liklihood of me getting stung at this point is high because the bee is now pissed. So I did what any smart wife does until her husband gets home. I taped the bee inside the cup to the window. The kids find this hilarious. Honestly, what was I supposed to do?
One angry bee is waiting for you, Dear.
April 4, 2007 at 3:11 pm
I can’t wait to get home to “accidentally” let the be loose as I try to “remove” her.
April 4, 2007 at 3:15 pm
Dear-
The locks have been changed and the exterminator called. Have a nice life.
April 4, 2007 at 4:11 pm
I don’t mean to be alarmist, but what if the tape comes off while you aren’t looking and before the exterminator or Steve get home?
And what is the bee doing inside today – it is such a beautiful day out.
Now that I’ve slightly alarmed you, I bet you too will be enjoying the day outside.
Oh yeah! Happy Birthday too. If there is only one godzilla sized bee that doesn’t seem too catastrophic!
April 4, 2007 at 4:14 pm
Ps. Next time, catch with a paper plate and a plastic cup.
Then you can go to the door, open it enough to stick both of your arms out and throw the cup and plate, releasing the bee into its natural habitat, while keeping as much as you as possible inside the safety of your habitat.
This is a tried and true technique.
April 4, 2007 at 4:31 pm
i’ve tried that latter option beau. it worked well for me. i refused to go back outside to pick up said items.. and hubby came home with a very confused look.
April 4, 2007 at 4:59 pm
Beau- Send your wife my sympathies. You are very mean.
You don’t think I’ve worried about the tape coming off and the bee gettign loose in the house?!?! If I were not allergic and this was merely a black widow or something, I’d throw it all outside. However bees are too risky. 
Jess- LOL!!!!!!!!!!
April 4, 2007 at 5:01 pm
Oh and this was NOT the only thing to go wrong today!
April 4, 2007 at 5:29 pm
Mean? I did it out of concern for your safety. I’ve seen scotch tape like that fail. You should have used duct tape!
April 4, 2007 at 10:13 pm
LiveJasmin- There is NOTHING awesome about bees. ;P
Beau- Yes… you are SO helpful. It was purely out of concern for my mental well being, wasn’t it?!
April 5, 2007 at 2:41 am
Zoink, woman. As if a bee isn’t bad enough, other things went wrong too?
Don’t trust Steve one bit. Go lock yourself in the bathroom until I get there. Erm, sometime this Friday. I’ll wear my Orkin costume and bring you a apiarist suit, and we’ll blast outta there to find some nice non-snarky java.
April 5, 2007 at 8:40 am
Okay, here’s what you do.
Take a piece of stiff cardboard and slide it between the jar and the window. Keep the cardboard firmly against the jar while you walk the whole thing to the yard. Once in the yard, set the jar down with cardboard on the ground. Take a very heavy brick and place it on top of the jar to keep the bee trapped. Tie a sturdy string to the brick and reel it out until you are just inside your door. Keeping the door open only as wide as the string, give the string a tug and free the bee.
Oh never mind! Wait until Steve’s home. Sometimes I think too much.
April 5, 2007 at 10:01 am
You’ll all be pleased to know that disaster was averted when I untaped the cup containing the half dead bumble bee from the window and dump the poor thing into the bushes. For a vegetarian, she’s awfully mean to bees…
April 5, 2007 at 11:19 am
Helen,
OF COURSE you had a bee taped to the window inside of a cup. Because that would be normal for you on your birthday.
Sigh….let me know when life gets boring, if ever…
Tina
April 5, 2007 at 2:39 pm
OMG this was hilarious! Taping a glass to a window… priceless.
April 5, 2007 at 5:11 pm
I consider myself a perfectly self-sufficient woman, but aren’t husbands great sometimes? Bees, snakes, there are times when they can be very useful!
April 6, 2007 at 9:42 pm
Beth- Could you come a little sooner? I’m getting hungry in here.
Lorrie- I mentioned the bee was ANGRY didn’t I?!?!
Dear- I am not mean. It tried to kill me first.
Tina- What else would you expect from me? Sheesh.
Bice- Hilarious for all who don’t have to tape bees to the window, yes. Not hilarious for me.
Optimist- Ew. Snakes. lol.
March 16, 2009 at 12:10 pm
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