You know what I love best about having a blog? It’s this: when I’ve been wronged by a company, I can blog it and reach thousands of people. I can tell the world about it by clicking away on my keyboard. So I’m yelling it from the roof tops, people! DO NOT BUY SCOTT’S ORGANIC CHOICE LAWN FOOD! Unless of course, you like smelling what I’m sure it smells like at the gates of hell every single time you’re within 100 yards of your lawn.

Ya’ll know I’m the organic, tree-hugging type. So naturally I refuse to dump a bunch of chemicals on my lawn to keep it green and kill the clover. And the clover was taking over. So I dumped a metric ton of cow crap and chicken crap on the lawn. The grass started to win the battle. The downside? Manure stinks. However, now that I’ve discovered Scott’s Organic Choice Lawn Food, I’d rather be sleeping in a bed made of chicken and cow manure rather than smell this stuff.

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This is absolutely the worst thing I’ve ever smelled in my life, bar none. It smells like a horrible mixture of vomit, dog crap and death. Steve is ready to move. The neighbors are complaining. Well some are. The more devious ones are laughing as they make wide circles around our house. ;) I’ve tried watering it out, raking it out, you name it. And nothing. I pull up in the driveway, take a deep breath before opening the car door, hold it, then run to front door as my face turns purple from lack of oxygen. Oh, cuz if I don’t hold my breath, I gag.

The gardener is no longer speaking to me. I saw her dry heaving in the driveway trying to clean up the yard last week. She looked up at me, eyes watering and said “I hate you.” I said “Do I have to pay extra for this?”

It rained really hard today which apparently just makes it worse. I drove up today, forgot to hold my breath, opened the door to the truck and like a punch in the face it hit me. My head snapped back, my throat closed down and I started yelling NO! NO! NO! as I ran to front door. So I’d had it. It’s been three freakin’ weeks and it smells like Great Aunt Thelma died and we buried her in the front yard. Then vomited on her. Then the sewer line broke on her. She smells.

I called SCOTT’S today and begged them to help me. The guy told me to just water it in. I told him not only had I watered it in OVER AND OVER, but it had been raining a lot. So he puts me on hold to go check with someone who might know how to keep my nose hairs from getting singed off every time I go outside. He comes back on the line and says “Ma’am. This is an organic product. And with an organic product I’m afraid you’re going to have to smell chicken manure.” “CHICKEN MANURE?!?!” I yelled “THIS ISN’T CHICKEN MANURE! I LLLOOOOOOVVVVEEEEE CHICKEN MANURE SMELL! THIS IS SO BAD WE WANT TO MOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” He clucks to himself and says “I’m afraid it’s going to smell like that for the next six to eight weeks. Is there anything else I can do for you?” I was stunned speechless. Not even a “can we refund your money?” No apology letter. Certainly not even a coupon so that I can not buy more of their products. The message was clear: we don’t need your business. We don’t care if you tell the whole world how bad your experience was with our products. Hell, we don’t even care that the smell of our product is making people physically ill.

The other day I came out the house and son #1 was sitting on the grass putting on his shoes. “GET OUT OF THERE!” I screamed “IT WILL GET ON YOU!” Even with my frantic screaming he didn’t move fast enough. Son #2 had no idea what had transpired, but ten minutes later when son #1 walked by him he shuddered and said “Ewwwww. You smell like the yard.”

The story continues here.