December 7, 2007
Being the oldest child, I was not privvy to the experience of having older and wiser siblings. The closest thing I had was my cousin who is three years older than I am. However, in the last decade or so, SHE apparently has gotten younger while I continue to get older. At my sister’s wedding someone asked her how old she was and she stated an age five years younger. As the person walked away I leaned over and between clenched teeth said “You lyin’ bitch!” She looks surprised and said “What?!” and I said “You can’t possibly be that age because that would make you younger than me and I distinctly remember you being born before me.” Obviously caught in the lie but unwilling to admit defeat, she says “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” We both burst out laughing but I let her have that on account of her getting so old and all. 
It was at my older younger cousin’s knee that I also learned sarcasm. She is the most sarcastic person I’ve ever met in my life and I learned how to be a complete smart ass from her. Or maybe it’s genetic or contagious. I’m not really sure. ANYWAY! A couple of weeks ago I got one of those recipe emails where you forward your favorite recipe to two people and you’re supposed to get 36 recipes in return. The only recipe I got was one from my supremely smart ass cousin:
Ok my favorite recipe:
1 cup of your favorite cereal
3/4 cup milk
enjoy lol
On second thought, it’s probably better I didn’t have any older siblings….
December 7, 2007 at 9:31 pm
ahh family. Can’t live with them…can’t…well, you know. I’m going to try your recipe, but I may need to run to the store for some of the ingredients.
December 8, 2007 at 8:24 am
Indianamatt- I don’t know. It’s pretty complicated. Be careful you don’t set the kitchen on fire or anything. ;D
December 8, 2007 at 12:35 pm
Man, I thought I had it, but something wasn’t quite right. It turned out I had used 2/3 cup of milk instead! Arggh!
December 8, 2007 at 3:47 pm
Indianamatt- Sigh. When you don’t follow the recipes, bad things happen. We’re lucky you didn’t blow anything up. ;D
December 9, 2007 at 4:23 pm
Well, I admit that I did need an extinguisher. I should just stay away from “Gas Flakes” brand cereal from now on.
December 9, 2007 at 4:40 pm
Indianamatt- Lol!
January 3, 2008 at 10:06 am
[...] Saturday, my smart ass cousin finally showed up. She thinks a long drive from Houston is, like, an excuse for showing up days [...]
January 9, 2008 at 5:42 pm
[...] the ground bitter with a horrible aftertaste. I bring in Auntie Cutsupalot and my cousin (sister to smart ass cousin cuz smart ass cousin doesn’t cook anything but cereal and milk) and as we’re all [...]
January 10, 2008 at 12:14 pm
[...] Cousin Smart Ass showed up on Saturday all sniffly. Knowing about my germaphobia, she said she thought it was allergies. However, about an hour after she got there, I found her in the kitchen, taking swigs from a bottle of Benedryl. Her mom rushed in all concerned asking “Did you read the directions on that?” She pauses with the bottle midway to her mouth and said something along the lines of “Yeah, it said take some until your nose stops running.” A few swigs after her mother left she leaned close and said “How much of this shit can I take before it kills me?” I said “I think 100 mg before it knocks you out.” She whispers “You think I had less than a 100 mg?” It’s unlikely with the way she was drinking it, but I didn’t want to tell her that. As it turned out, about an hour later cousin smart ass was HIGH. All stumbling around, drowsy eyelided, saying funny stuff. It’s why she couldn’t even be consulted about the green etoufee. As she’s getting ready to leave, she sees my aunt’s cat and says loudly “I AM ALLERGIC TO CATS! DO YOU SEE MY EYES? THIS IS WHY I HAD SNOT RUNNING DOWN TO MY KNEES MOST OF MY LIFE! IT WAS BECAUSE OF (HER SISTER’S) DAMN CATS!” Then she staggered out the door still trying to pretend she wasn’t sick OR high. I poked my head out the door after her “You aren’t going to drive in that condition are you?” All indignant she says “Of course I am. I AM FIIIIINNNNNNNNEEEEEE.” And she slams the car door and backs out the driveway all crooked. She called me two days later to confess that she really was sick and the cats only made her more snotty. lol. [...]