I’m jumping on the trendy bandwagon here. I was reading a blog entry by Carrie, where she wrote a letter to her 18 year old self. It’s an interesting concept coming up for the second time in the last few weeks, because I was watching the show Journeyman and he is traveling through time and encounters himself at about the age of 18. It made me wonder what I’d tell myself if I did. So I thought it out, and here it is. It’s not nearly as easy as you think. If you consider some of the experiences that shaped you, would you change them? This is what I came up with. 

Dear Helen of 1987,

Oh my. Where do I start? I have so much to tell you, so much advice to give you, but you are so stubbornly defiant I’m really not sure you’ll listen to me.

First of all, I know that it’s been a rough few years. You’ve been through so much. But you made it. I know it doesn’t feel like it yet, but these dark days are almost over for you. Most kids that have been through what you’ve been through with your family, end up doing drugs and living on the street. You’ve done all right, kid. No one ever said that to you, so I’m saying it. You worked three and four jobs, never knowing where you’d sleep that night, and still you stayed in school and graduated. Somehow you survived. I know you have trust issues, but there are people you can trust. Not every adult who gets close to you will try to hurt to you. You know in your heart those people you can trust. Stay close to them and listen to them and learn from them. It won’t always be like this. Eventually you will realize that some of those adults in your life now that have helped you out over the last few years will ALWAYS be there for you when you need them. Go ahead. Trust.

There’s a cute guy you will meet in art class this year. Don’t even talk to him. He’s poison. It will take you YEARS to extricate yourself from that mess and not without significant collateral damage. It’s better if you never even strike up a conversation with him. And I know it’s an odd thing for me to say, seeing as how you and I both try to live life without regrets. But trust me, you will regret it. The other relationships along the way, although not ideal, won’t do you that kind of damage. Heartbreak is temporary anyway. Although it feels like you will die, you learn to get over it.

It’s going to take you a year and half to figure this out on your own, so let me save you some trouble. Go to college. You can’t make it in life without a degree. Living paycheck to paycheck on Top Ramen and generic macaroni and cheese is going to get old really fast. Besides, there’s someone I want you to meet there. He will change your life forever. Just because you didn’t get into the one college you wanted to go to, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go somewhere else. You won’t even care about that college a year from now. Also, stick with that Art degree. Being happy in life is all about doing what you love. You love Art. Don’t worry about how you’ll make money doing it.

In October of 1989, Caleb is going to ask you to call him. Borrow the change to use the phone, and just do it. His life depends on it. Sometimes there are no tomorrows to do it in. It’s all about that whole living life with no regrets.

Enjoy this time in your life. It’s the most carefree time you’ll ever know. Enjoy college. And when that really, really tall guy comes to your dorm room and tries to make a move on you, just let him. ;) He’s gonna get you in the end anyway. ;) You can save yourself the whole boyfriend-with-a-brain-tumor nightmare.

You should also try some martial arts now. Maybe judo? Cuz, you’re really going to love it. Trust me. You’re going to get some serious satisfaction out of beating the crap out of people. It’s liberating.

Oh and in 1997 you’re going to climb up on a ladder and the dog is going to dig a hole under one leg of the ladder while you’re on it and you’re going to fall off the ladder. You’re going to still be having back problems 10 years later. Stay off the ladder, Dummy.

One more suggestion I have for saving yourself a whole lot of grief: Leave California. In 2002, when you first start talking about it? Just do it. Don’t wait. By 2004, you’ll SO wish you had already left.

That guy, Andrew, you met the first day of 10th grade? He will always be your friend and watch out for you. Even though he threw you in the pool and sprinklers fully clothed a million times, turned freezing cold hoses on you in the dead of winter and will TP your bedroom when you’re out of town when you’re 35, still keep him around. He’s a good guy. 

It will take you 28 years to figure out that you hate Catholicism and why. Don’t wait until after college to start exploring other religions. Despite what you’ve been taught, Catholics aren’t the only ones going to heaven. ;)

In 1994 the dog is going to get knocked up. You are dying to keep the white puppy she has. GIVE IT AWAY! The dog is mildly retarded and crazy enough to need Prozac. You WILL REGRET IT. My advice is to not keep ANY of the puppies but if you do, I happen to know that Foster turns out to be a good dog.

Last, I leave you with a few things I would tell any 18 year old:

  • Despite what your mother told you all your life, sexy is not having nice clothes and your hair combed nicely. Sexy also isn’t just on the outside. What people find sexy is confidence and happiness coming from the inside and loving who you are first. Although, a female priest will tell you years from now “When all else fails, dazzle them with cleavage.” ;) She’s right, you know. ;)
  • Stay away from credit cards. It will never go well for you.
  • Learn to trust yourself. You know your body best. If you think something is wrong, it is. Don’t listen to family or doctors telling you it’s all in your head. It’s not. It never is. Find someone who will listen to you. Don’t waste your time with people who don’t.
  • That’s good advice for friends too. Don’t waste your time with the people who don’t listen to you. Ask yourself what positive things do you get from the friendship? If you can’t name anything powerful, get rid of them. Sometimes friends will end up being your worst enemy. Make sure you’re not being emotionally stunted in your relationships with your friends. Seek out new people and new friends. Don’t just stay with what’s comfortable. Make sure to always BE a friend, too. Look for when people need help and offer it, they don’t always ask. When they do, make sure to move heaven and earth to help. Be there and be a good listener. Also you’re eventually going to figure this out, but most of the time they don’t even want your advice. They just want you to listen.
  • Don’t spend so much time worrying about “finding the right guy.” And it will never be who you think it will be. The best relationships come from being true friends first and enjoying each other’s company. You won’t die alone. The people that do make those choices.

Oh Helen, you have so much ahead of you, so much to look forward to. There’s this really special Friday the 13th that brings someone into your life that will change your life forever. It happens again Christmas 2000. Remember to enjoy every little moment with them.

Oh and call your grandmother. She worries. ;)

Love,

Helen of 2007