You bring me the internet search terms, I answer with the wisdom of thousands of years. Bow before me. I will provide the answers for these poor souls searching for answers, just in case they come back. I was going to have the search terms etched into stone tablets, but they got all heavy…… ;D

SPANISH WORD FOR PANIC ATTACK: Oh! Oh! I got this one! P-A-N-I-C-O   A-T-T-A-C-K-O. Seriously. What were you expecting?!?! It’s like Dorito and Burrito. Sheesh.

smell of death out of your house: I recommend C-L-E-A-N-I-N-G.

kung fu leg sweep: Oh! Oh! I got this one too. Here, come closer…

I WANT ENGLISH SPEAK: I’m sorry. I can’t help you. No speaka english. Only Spanish. P-A-N-I-C-O   A-T-T-A-C-K-O. Dorit-O. Burrit-O.

exlax cookie and cake recipes: Really? You’d do that? Cuz I was kidding. But if you find one? Call me?

susan naked in the kitchen: Damned if people don’t just keep coming back for that one. Susan? Little help? 

ingredients for stewart’s diet drinks: Oh! Oh! I can help here too! C-R-A-P-O-L-A.

she cracks his nuts in karate: Actually, I didn’t thankyouverymuch. I cracked my kneecap on his nut cup. Now let’s not talk about that anymore….

m&m angry: Yes, those M&Ms suffer from severe anger isssues. You should just go ahead and eat them before they get all irate and talkie…

my dogs stomach is making weird noises: It’s called D-I-G-E-S-T-I-O-N.  Damn, people are stupid today. Can I get some peasants with some intelligent questions here?

EVIL HELL DEVIL JESSICA: Snirk. I know a Jessica or three, but don’t you think that’s a little harsh? I’ve never seen any of them perform satanic rituals. EVAH.

why does my wife push me to loose my temper: Because that’s what we do. We’re under contract to do that. The minute we take our vows. It has nothing to do with you not doing what we wanted you to do. Promise.

;D