I forgot where I was going with this….

The “Yes, pickles.” continues. We had four boys in the back of the car last night cutting up. (Earplugs anyone?) Son #1 yells from the back “Dad, can you marshmellow watermelon weinerschnitzel?” I look at Steve “Marshmellow watermelon weinershcnitzel?” Steve rolls his eye at me and says “What, Son?” Son #1 yells “Can you marshmellow watermelon weinerschnitzel?” I yell back “Marshmellow watermelon weinerschnitzel?” He’s silent for a minute then yells back “Dad, is something wrong with Mom?” I yell back enthusiastically ”Yes, pickles!” More silence. “Dad?…. “ Again I call back ”Yes, pickles!” Steve gave me a sideways glance, shook his head at me, sighed and said “Nothing, Son. You mother is deaf.”

I was reading an entry by Scout’s Honor over at United States of Motherhood the other day. And she was talking about her hearing going. In the last six months, I’ve noticed my hearing is going too. In fact? If there’s background noise, I can’t really make out what people are saying anymore. Anyway, Scout’s Honor inappropriately answered “Yes, pickles.” due to her hearing loss.

I was laughing so hard I had tears rolling down my face and nearly fell out the chair. Steve came over to see what I was laughing at and he starting laughing too. Scout’s troubles have now spawned a new catchphrase in our house. Now instead of me saying “WHAT?” all the time, I’m saying “Yes, pickles.” So the next time Steve asks me where the laundry detergent is and I reply “Yes, pickles.” You won’t be wondering if I’ve just had a stroke….. ;D

 Today’s art lesson was Kandinsky’s untitled #629. I even managed to get through today’s lesson without screwing up too bad. I only called the color red, PURPLE once! As soon as the kids came in from recess, one of the girls ran up to me.

Girl: Mrs. Teixeira! Mrs. Teixeira! I’ve named myself something else. I want you to call me by my new name.
Me: Ok. What is it?
Girl: My name is…..(pause for dramatic effect) Mwaaaaaa.
Me: (With the straightest face I could muster) Mwaaaaa, huh?
Girl: (proudly) Yes. Mwaaaaaa.
Me: Ok Mwaaaaaa. Sit down so we can get started.
I had to refer to Mwaaaaa during the course of teaching and I’m praying that all the other children in the class have been notified that Mwaaaa has a new name. Not a single kid asked who Mwaaaa was or missed a beat. (Doooode. Is it really that easy? Cuz I wanna change my name to Mrs. Princess.)

When Mwaaaa finished her project she walked over and handed me her painting. I asked her if she put her name on it. She asked if she could put Mwaaaa on it and I agreed. “But Mrs. Teixeira? I don’t know how to spell Mwaaaa.” I told her MWA would suffice.

When class was over she ran up to me and said “Mrs. Teixeira? The next time I see you I still want to be Mwaaaa.” (that last a is VERY drawn out.) Another girl walked up beside her and said “Yeah and next class I want to be Eeee- Mwaaaaaaa. You have to remember that ok?”

I’ll be needing a new roll sheet, please.

Revenge is mine! Steve is about to leave for China and tells me this morning “While I’m in China- DO NOT send me any anti-communism, anti-Chinese government IMs or email. The government monitors internet activity there.” Geez. I thought he was just going to tell me not to drop the F-bomb. I grinned evilly and said “I’m going to be IMing you ‘FREE TIBET!’ about every three minutes.” Then I laughed so hard I had tears rolling down my face. Steve yelled “You a$$hole! You’re going to get me thrown into a Chinese prison!” As he walked out the door I yelled “FREE TIBET!” after him.

Whatever Wednesday here today. I’m posting the rules AGAIN. Not for the new people. But for Fab. Because he’s hard of reading and rule following. ;D

Whatever Wednesday rules: Answer the question left by the person before you and leave a question for the next person. Play as many times as you wish. Anything goes. And it doesn’t have to be Wednesday to play.

First Question: Have you ever laughed at a completely inappropriate time like a funeral, a serious meeting or church? Give up the details.

Damn. After typing that question, this stuck in my head:

My internal sound track can be annoying……

“When you want the truth, you go to the horse’s mouth, not his ass.” LOL!

Steve and I are laying in bed reading with the kids in between us, when someone decides to pinch me.
Me: WHO is pinching me?!?!
(hysterical laughter from all three of them)
Me: Stop pinching me!
(PINCH!)
Me: All right, next pinch I’m going to start punching….in order of proximity!
Steve: Oh good! Cuz I’ll be gone by the time you get to me….

Because a child showed up for baseball practice wearing a cup on his butt and upside down, I had to send out the following email:

Just a reminder that tomorrow is our first game. Please make sure your child is in FULL uniform (hat, uniform shirt, socks, baseball pants and cleats) WITH a glove! Please also make sure your child is wearing a cup. The cup should be a youth NOT adult size. The cup should not be stuck into the underwear, but instead be put into a jock strap or other holder designed specifically to hold the cup in place. Please make sure your child’s cup is NOT on upside down. If you are not sure what upside down is, please see coach Steve. J

It’s not easy being me…..

5 days a week of martial arts + 1 day a week with trainer + 1 day of rollerblading x too many joint injuries = prescription anti inflammatories + muscle relaxant = 1 wicked drug induced hangover

In the words of Ree, OH. MAH. HOLY. HELL. YA’LL! I hurt and I can’t shake the cobwebs.

I saw this today: WORLD EXCLUSIVE: See J. Lo’s twins!

Then….I Kramered like so:

(no not the a-hole ones from yesterday)

Ring! Me: Uh, you have the most hideous cat I’ve ever seen in your front yard.
Neighbor: I do?
Me: Yeah, son #1 just chased it out by hissing at it and stuff.
(They hate cats in the yard because they poop in their horseshoe sand pit.)
Me: But it’s the most decrepit, hideous thing I’ve ever seen! It looks like it’s undead! It’s got patches of fur missing, possibly missing teeth- seriously! Someone dug that thing out of a pet cemetery!
Neighbor: Is it white?
Me: Yeah! You’ve seen it?
Neighbor: Bwaaahahahaha! That’s the neighbor’s new shelter cat.
Me: What the hell is wrong with it?
Neighbor: They got it from the shelter and had to cut out a bunch of matted hair.
Me: Looks like an eyeball might fall out at any moment. (shudder)
Neighbor: That cat is hilarious!

Ummm. Not so much.

Brethren Kitteh:

First, talk about Van Gogh’s STARRY NIGHT, movement, color, strokes, etc. Then talk about the SUN. When done, open the floor to questions:

First Grade Student: “Uh, Mrs. Teixeira? Isn’t that the moon?”
Have Mrs. Teixeira turn and look at painting with surprise. Turn back to the student and say:
Me: “Why yes. That is a moon. That would be why the painting is called Starry NIGHT. Mrs. Teixeira needs A LOT MORE COFFEE.”

Sigh. It really happened.

by Our Neighbors

First: After you move in, have your teenage children siphon gas from the neighbors until months pass and hundreds of dollars of gas have been stolen, neighbor finally puts locking gas cap on vehicle.

Second: When your neighbor goes out of town and their dog decides to go nuts, knock on every door in the neighborhood complaining long and loud about the dog. Never go straight to the neighbor who has a key and the cell phone number to contact your out-of-town neighbor.

Third: After making such a huge deal about barking dog, put your own dog outside and have it bark non-stop all day long EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Fourth: Be the only person in the neighborhood to take your dog on daily walks and NEVER once pick up the poop. Also, let your dog out your front door to go poop in all the other neighbors’ yards. Never notice that you have NEVER picked up poop even though you have two dogs.

Fifth: Tell neighbor you are putting up new, higher fence between yards. Without warning, go over and tell neighbor, who is leaving town within the hour that you are taking down fence TODAY. When neighbor says I can’t make plans to remove my dogs from my yard today, without any warning whatsoever, tell neighbor it’s not your problem and fence will be down for a few weeks.

Sixth: Be cheap and cut your pool service to once a month instead of once a week. Then blame neighbors for their tree throwing leaves into your pool. Go over and ask neighbor if you can trim tree. When neighbor says ok, come back with a paper for them to sign saying they have given their permission TO CUT DOWN TREES IN THEIR YARD. When neighbor balks, threaten neighbor.

Oh yes folks, he threatened me last night. He actually said “Well if we can’t cut down your trees, then we’ll have to see who pays, because my pool pump broke.” Oh yes, folks, this is for real. And he reeked of booze.

Every time Wednesday comes up again this fast, I’m surprised. Didn’t we just do this?

Whatever Wednesday rules: Answer the question left by the person before you and leave a question for the next person. Play as many times as you wish. Anything goes. And it doesn’t have to be Wednesday to play.

First Question: Did you ever have a crush on someone much older, like, old enough to be your parent? Who was it?

I’m sure you’ll all find it highly shocking that I’m annoyed today. I’m pretty much annoyed that other people breathe. I go through phases like that.

It seems like every single jackass out on the road has decided to get in front of me today. You know those people that speed up and cut in front of you then slow down to below the speed limit while 10 cars back up behind them? Yeah, I got behind two of those jackasses today.

While I was stuck behind the jackass going 18 miles an hour down a 40 mph road, I thought of all the little pet peeves that I have. But now that I’m so ticked off about the driving? I can’t think of anything else. So tell me your pet peeves and then maybe I’ll remember that list I was making in my head while going 18 mph.

Oh WAIT! I just thought of another pet peeve while son #1 was sitting at the table chomping and slurping cereal! BAD TABLE MANNERS! I can not STAND to eat with people who chew with their mouth open, slurp or chomp, teeth hitting the silverware or have both arms on the table, hunched over their plate. Son #1 is currently doing all of those things. GAH! It’s like he was raised by chimpanzees. I have to say though? In an adult? Completely inexcusable! I’ve nearly died while eating with adults chewing with their mouths open and made excuses to get up from the table because I couldn’t stand to eat with them. (shudder)

HA! Thought of another one! BAD GRAMMAR! As in “I seen” and the use of “no” when it should be “any” and in writing when people write grate instead of great and their instead of they’re! Oh yeah. Bad Grammar is one too. Maybe by tonight they’ll all come back to me.

Black Eyed Peas? Check
Cabbage? Check
Potatoes? Check
Corned Beef for Steve and kids? Check
Leprechaun Traps out? Check

Happy St. Patrick’s Day! I had to make St. Patrick’s Day dinner last night so we could have leftovers tonight. Mondays are tight, as we have baseball practice, then I run home, shovel in some food and rush off to the dojo. As we were eating dinner last night, the kids were howling about how bad they were going to have gas today at school. Steve has a very important meeting with the brass. I IM’d him this morning right before his meeting to check on him. 

Helen says:

Steve says:

Helen says:

Helen says:

Steve says:

I wish you all a Happy St. Patrick’s Day minus the rumblin’.

Steve was in the dressing room trying on jeans and asks me to come in and have a look. He opens the door and I did a double take then said “No. Oh HAY-ELL No!” Hurt, he says “But why?” I said “Three words for you: 80’s p0rn star.” One’s junk is better left to the imagination. That is all.

For those of you unclear on the concept, I draw your attention to this example provided by one David Lee Roth of Van Halen fame…..

Dear Honey,

Because you and kids ate all the cookies for breakfast this morning, I had nothing chocolately to munch on after lunch. So I went to get a piece of my very special, just for me, chocolate. It appears that my very special, just for me, chocolate is missing. Missing, of course, being a generous term for “being in your stomach.” There is nothing left but sub-par, crappy chocolate. Should this travesty occur again, you and I? ARE GOING TO THROW DOWN. I will lay in wait for you like a ninja. Then when you’re least expecting it? I will roundhouse kick you so hard, your mother will feel it. You will only be seconds away from death.

Your loving wife,

Helen

The Karate tournament only whet my appetite for more martial arts. Right now, I’m off to try out a karate class. This instructor puts a big emphasis on sparring (because it’s all about the sparring), he’s an amazing teacher and he’s wicked fast. He’s small (my size) so I think I could learn a lot about fighting bigger people from him. If I decide to go ahead and join the karate program I would be training 5 days a week in some martial art. LOL. Do NOT mess with me. ;D

OMFG people! I just had a conversation with someone from Expedia who is without question the STUPIDEST person I’ve ever spoken with IN MY LIFE. No seriously. I’ve had more intelligent conversations with the DOGS. The woman was stupider than a bag of hammers and had this annoying, whiny voice and kept saying OK.

Me: Yeah, I just booked a flight and noticed in the confirmation that my children are listed as adults. I need them listed as children so I don’t have problems with checking in at the airport.
Expedia bag of hammers: Yes um, ok, so how old are you?
Me: Who me?
Expedia bag of hammers: Yes.
Me: (WTF?!?!) I’m 38, why?
Expedia bag of hammers: Ok. (no explanation) Can I have your confirmation number?
Me: XXXXXX
Expedia bag of hammers: So that’s XYXXXY?
Me: No. XXXXXX.
Expedia bag of hammers: So XYXXXY?
Me: No… still XXXXXX.
Expedia bag of hammers: Ok, so I see the reservation. How old are they?
Me: 7 and 10
Expedia bag of hammers: Just bring their ID to airport. Do they have ID?
Me: Do you mean, like, do they have a drivers license?
Expedia bag of hammers: Well, yeah, something like that, or an ID card?
Me: An ID card?!? Look, I travel ALL THE TIME and I’ve never had to show their ID at the airport when traveling domestically. (unsaid: You LAZY BIOTCH! JUST CHANGE IT!)
Expedia bag of hammers: Well I’ll make a notation here in the computer.
Me: That’s not going to help me at the airport.
Expedia bag of hammers: Ok so how old are they?
Me: 7 and 10.
Expedia bag of hammers: Ok so are you old enough to travel with them?
Me: Yes. I’m their mother. (THIRTY EIGHT, REMEMBER?!)
Expedia bag of hammers: Ok. So just go to the airport and bring their ID.
Me: No. I need it changed in the system. I’m going to have all kinds of problems if they’re listed as adults.
Expedia bag of hammers: Ok so how old are they?
Me: Still 7 and 10.
Expedia bag of hammers: Ok, so do you want to book your seats?
Me: NO! I WANT TO CHANGE THEIR AGES!
Expedia bag of hammers: How about the meals?
Me: I ALREADY TOOK CARE OF THAT!
Expedia bag of hammers: Ok, well just bring their IDs to the airport.
Me: I NEED you to get this changed. I’m not bringing their ID to the aiport. I NEED THEM LISTED AS CHILDREN.
Expedia bag of hammers: Ok, so I’m going to put you on hold and call the airlines. I’m also going to send them an email. I’ve noted it in your reservation.
(on hold for 15 minutes)
Expedia bag of hammers: They’ve already received my message and it’s all taken care of.

Me being the SKEPTICAL person that I am, decided to call the airlines JUST IN CASE.

Me: Hi, I just booked a flight on Expedia and noticed that my children are listed as adults. They’re 7 and 10. The lady at Expedia told me it was all taken care of but I don’t trust that she took care of it. She was an idiot. Told me to have my 7 and 10 year old bring their drivers licenses to the airport.
Continental Airlines: So many 7 and 10 year olds HAVE their licenses too. Ok what’s the confirmation number?
Me: XXXXXX
Continental Airlines: (silence) Uh. They’re still listed as adults.
Me: Sigh. There’s not even a notation is there?
Continental Airlines: …..No.
Me: Can YOU change it for me?
Continental Airlines: (laughs) Yes. Here we go. 7 and 10 you said?…..

Gawwwdddd! Can you believe it’s Wednesday again? We all know what that means: we ask each other strange, sometimes inappropriate questions. Some stray off onto insane tangents. I won’t name names. ;D

Whatever Wednesday rules: Answer the question left by the person before you and leave a question for the next person. Play as many times as you wish. Anything goes. And it doesn’t have to be Wednesday to play.

My favorite quote is from the poem The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost:

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

What’s YOUR favorite quote?

Let it be known: 

7 days ago I said “Steve, something’s wrong with my keyboard. It won’t type some letters and numbers.”

On the sixth day Steve finally answers and says “It’s probably a defective keyboard.”

Let us pray. Let us see how long before he actually goes and gets me another one from the Microsoft store.

It’s all down in black and white now, Steve. Game on.

Oh yes, just as soon as I finally got that first one out, the second one wiggled loose and has now slid to the middle of his mouth. It’s like some cycloptic dental nightmare. And he’s back to wiggling it at me and sticking it out at me. And yesterday he gets off the bus and says “Mom, I showed all the girls in my class my tooth and they all said GROSS! But you’re the only one who won’t even look at it.” (shudder) Have I mentioned how fricken much I hate teeth? I never pulled any of my own teeth. I waited until they fell out. I don’t even know how to get those suckers out. I almost fainted when Steve started wiggling it around for him. I gagged and had to look away.

Yesterday I saw the Dad who I laughed at, and told him how I was paying so dearly for that. He laughed and said “Yeah, um, NEVER laugh at another parent’s trauma.” So, so right. Hold me.

Last Friday I was most unhappy with the spousal unit. He told me he was going to be home in the morning to help me load up the car. The kids didn’t have school so it was my one morning to sleep in. At 7:45 he wakes me up to tell me he wants to leave and whose car should he take? He also wanted to engage in lengthy conversation about our plans to get to the tournament. Homicidal thoughts ensued and after angry threats, he backed out the bedroom in fear of his life. When I finally got up, I was still angry. As I walked by him in the kitchen he says “So what do you want to do?” all cheery like nothing happened. I glared at him and said “Kill you.” Without missing a beat he says “Yeah, but there’s all these logistical issues, like digging a hole and where you’re hiding the body. So…..what do you want to do NOW?” I scowled again and said “Still kill you.”

You’ve all been on pins and needles waiting for the results, haven’t you? ;) I have to say that the tournament was a great experience for everyone. It wasn’t what I expected, but we’re all ready to do it again. Having been a swimmer my whole life, for some reason I expected the tournament to go like a swim meet, with everything going on in a linear, serial order. As it turned out, there were 9 rings and at one point three Teixeiras were in three of those rings AT THE SAME TIME. Because of the confusion and everything going on at once, while Steve and son #1 were watching son #2’s fight, they completely missed me and my fights. I was jumping up and down waving in my ring trying to get their attention, but alas, they weren’t even looking in my direction.

There are two types of things you can do at the tournament. You can show Kata, which is a series of fight moves, sort of like a routine or there is Kumite which is fighting (sparring). In my style of martial arts, Hapkido, we don’t do Kata, but Steve and the kids do. So Steve and son #1 entered the Kata divisions for their ages and belt ranks. Son #2 is still in the little kids’ classes where they don’t even learn a full Kata yet, so he didn’t feel comfortable entering Kata. Our intention was that son #2 was going to watch this time. However, Saturday morning he woke up and first insisted, then demanded that we let him enter the Kumite division. Son #2 has never sparred. The little kids do not spar until they are older. The only sparring son #2 has done was in our living room, with us, about 3 months ago. After much insistence and howling, we finally agreed to let him spar and I prayed it would go well for him. Son #1’s sensei had already taken me aside and told me that she did not think son #1 should spar because he is still not 100% from his broken hip. Two other senseis that know son #1 well also said we should not let him spar in this tournament. Son #1 was MOST unhappy about this, let me tell you. As it turned out, that was really good advice. The kids fighting in son #1’s division were much more experienced fighters and I have no doubt there’s a good chance he could have gotten hurt.

So anyway, Steve was first showing Kata. Here’s Steve showing his stuff:

He won a fourth place medal. YAY STEVE! I actually thought Steve’s Kata was going to score him even higher, because I thought his was cleaner and better than the other guys. He thinks he may have made a technical error when he bowed to the judges that lost him some points. That’s the thing about us being so new to all this. We don’t even know all the rules yet.

Son #1 was up next with his Kata. He did a beautiful job. Probably the best I’ve ever seen him do it. There were a ton of kids in his division so I was worried about him placing. However he earned himself a fourth place medal as well! YAY SON #1!!!

Halfway through his Kata, I noticed that Steve was beating people up over there in ring #7 (all the way on the other side of the gym) and son #2 was getting ready to fight in the ring next to son #1. I was running back and forth between the three rings. Let’s say it together: THREE RING NIGHTMARE!

I did manage to catch a few shots of Steve’s first fight before I had to run back. He kicked ass and took names (look at the look on his face):

We had planned on video taping the fights and posting them for your perusal, however we have a semi-new video camera and I could not figure out how to get it to work and I couldn’t ask Steve because he was…well, busy. Steve lost his next fight. However, everyone who saw the fight, said Steve won the match. I had to watch bits and pieces of his second match from across the gym. I didn’t get to see most of the fight. We’re thinking there was some kind of conspiracy going on. That’s my theory anyway. We think there might have been a second kicker on the grassy knoll. Anyway, Steve did not place in sparring.

With Steve just finishing up and son #2 starting his division *I* got called for my fight. GAH! This was totally nerve wracking. There was no way I was leaving son #2 to fight in his first-ever sparring match alone. I found a mom I knew to keep an eye on him while I ran to other side of the gym and checked in. I spent the next 20 minutes running back and forth between my ring and son #2’s ring. I was truly terrified for him. There were a ton of kids in his division (7 and 8 year olds) and son #2 just turned 7. Although he is huge for his age, there were some ginormous kids about to turn 9 that must have outweighed him by 50 pounds. And many of these kids looked like they had done a good amount of sparring. It was enough to make me weak in the knees. I prayed he wouldn’t get hurt. He’s a really tough kid, but yikes! In the end, he did fantastic. It still brings tears to my eyes. Son #2 ended up winning a sixth place medal. Gutsy kid, eh? He’s a natural born fighter like his father.

So then it was my turn. Do you know what my biggest fear going into this tournament was? That I would get disqualified for power (hitting too hard.) Since most of my experience is sparring with men, I tend to hit a lot harder than most other women. Also under pressure, I hit hard. Sigh. So I spent most of the several days beforehand worrying about getting disqualified. Hapkido sparring has different rules. I didn’t even know all the rules for this style of fighting. I listened in on the rules in son #2’s ring. However, I later learned that each ring’s judge can amend or alter the rules. My ring judge never went over the rules. Turns out in his ring, the head and face aren’t targets. Which is unfortunate, because I really love to go head hunting. So I actually ended up losing one of my fights because after repeatedly getting called for power, he started deducting points. I wasn’t being defiant. The woman I was sparring against had been given some very poor advice before the match. They told her to charge. So every time the judge yelled go, she charged at me like a bull, outweighing me by probably 100 pounds yelling like a lunatic. And every single time, I first put a foot in her belly, then a right and a left to her head. Every time. She just kept charging me. Charging is extremely dangerous. If you’re fighting someone with poor control, you could be very seriously injured. And the judge was getting angrier and angrier at me for hitting her in the head but she was shorter than me and bent over charging so I really had no other targets. It was extremely frustrating to lose this match. I mean losing a fight because you hit too hard? Sigh. After the match she said “We could fight 999 more times and I’d never beat you again. That was a total fluke.” Sigh. My other fight was over in less than 2 minutes. I beat her 3-0. She never even got to touch me. In fact when the judge said go and she put both fists turned towards her body and in front of her face, I actually felt sorry for her. I almost said “Honey, you don’t want to fight me like that. I’m gonna knock one of those fists into your own face.” But I didn’t. I just kicked her until I won. And so? I WON A HUGE THIRD PLACE TROPHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Unfortunately there are no photos since the whole family missed my fights. I don’t even have a decent picture of me with the trophy because Steve gave son #1 the camera and well….he’s not a good photographer.

Steve SAYS he has video of me getting my trophy, but it turns out we do not have a cable we need to download it to the computer. When/if he gets the cable, I’ll post it. If you’re wondering about the black gi (uniform) in a sea of white uniforms, it’s because 90% of the people at this tournament were Karate people who wear white gis. We wear black in Hapkido. It’s not a good vs. evil thing. ;D

So there it is, folks, our first karate tournament.

Ok, folks! This is it! This weekend Steve and I are fighting in a karate tournament! I’m nervous because since we were sick, neither of us has sparred in a month! I don’t know about Steve, but I feel rusty! Last night we sparred in the living room a little. Well, no, let me rephrase that. Steve kicked me in the face. Then he kicked me in the ribs. Then he backfisted me in the head. He’s really too good for me to spar with now. My only recourse was accidentally kicking him in the jumblies a few times. He can hold his own with the best fighters in our dojo and I’m pretty sure he has eight fists. And I think he hit me with all of them last night. I stood there and was his crash test dummy while he practiced some tornado kicks. That’s when he kicked me in the face. Does he rush over and check on me? No! He laughed! Hurummppphhh.

In case you’re wondering what that looked like:

Yeah, that’s me staggering around. No. Kidding. I was still standing. But it made my eyes water. And then I got mad. And then? Fists of fury! I don’t care how many times I get hit, I will PUNISH him for that! lol!

 So wish us luck this weekend. We’re all Kung Fu fighting!