Steve and I were talking about the kids the other day and we were talking about colleges and how we didn’t have anything vested in where they went to college. We’ve also repeatedly told the kids that when they grow up, they should do whatever makes them happy. They should pick a major and career that they love. Because we both believe that the key to happiness in life is doing what you love. I’ve mentioned before that I’m back in school on Fridays taking art classes. My parents never felt “Art” was a worthy major and repeatedly told me that I would never make any money doing it. Because to my parents, being happy in life is equivalent to making lots of money. And unfortunately, I listened to this advice and changed my major. This is probably my greatest regret in life. I love art. There’s something magic that happens inside me when I put a brush to canvas or sink my hands into clay on a pottery wheel. It’s soul satisfying. So every Friday, I’m back at the pottery wheel and every Friday I am reminded how much I truly love art. I’m considering going back for my master’s degree in art, although I think I need to wait until the kids are a little older and self sufficient.

Terrible piece of advice #2: There’s nothing wrong with the kids, they’ll be fine/outgrow it/ you’re making him have something wrong. My oldest child has severe sensory integration. He has an ADHD diagnosis, hypotonia (low muscle tone throughout his body) and dysgraphia. On some level, I’ve known since he was an infant that “something was wrong” but every time I voiced my fears, my parents said he’ll be fine/ you’re going to make something wrong etc, etc. He wasn’t diagnosed until he was five. And for those first two to three years after diagnosis my parents fought me tooth and nail about getting him therapy and help. They insisted nothing was wrong with him. They insisted therapy was a waste of time. At 10, he has come a long way, but is still receiving special education assistance. I can not fathom what his life would be like had I listened to that terrible piece of advice. Son #2 would even be worse off. He had significant developmental delays in speech and social areas. I didn’t wait or listen with him. He started various therapies at 16 months old. At seven, he is still receiving private therapy, but he no longer needs special education assistance in school. I am grateful every single day that I didn’t listen to their advice to ignore what I knew was something wrong.

Perhaps the absolutely BEST piece of advice my parents gave me was to dump Steve. When we met, Steve had a major heart condition, called Wofle Parkinson White Syndrome. He nearly died from it one night early in our relationship. His heart went into atrial fibrillation. After hours, I finally convinced him to go to the hospital by telling him I was calling 911 AND the police if he didn’t go. Two minutes after we walked in the door of the hospital, Steve had a blood pressure of 86/84 (no blood pressure) and a heartbeat of 320 beats per minute. Every available nurse, doctor and paramedic was in the room trying to save him. At one point, I heard two nurses saying he wasn’t going to make it. Steve was finally properly diagnosed a few weeks later. He had surgery later that year to correct it and now has normal heart function. My mother constantly told me “You should NOT be involved with anyone with a medical condition.” What was truly behind my parents motivation was that Steve did not come from a wealthy family. And the real reason was that he wasn’t rich. He was from “the other side of the tracks.” I am so grateful Every. Single. Day. that I ignored this advice.

I hope that I never give my children advice based on my own baggage or motivations. That my judgement is not clouded by my own aspirations for them, but by what is truly best for them. So how about you? What was the worst piece/pieces of advice your parents ever gave you?