Ok, so I admit I’m a slow talker. I spent the greater part of my childhood in Louisiana where the cadence of speech is much slower than these west coast folks. However, on rare occasions, I have been known to fast talk. While Steve was trying to eat soup last night, I was fast talking up a storm. The consequences were that Steve’s soup came through his nose a few times….

Me: OHMYGOD! You should have been at the dojo tonight. This FLOOZY came in and sat down right next to me! She was overweight and dressed in the tight clothes, with the rolls of fat hanging out and the cleavage spilling all over the place! She was wearing a ton of make up with so many hair products, I’m not sure her hair moves! And this huge, pus filled zit on her upper lip! OHMYGOD! So she sits down next to me and she REEKS of booze and onions and-

Steve: (soup through the nose)-desperation?

Me: YES! Booze and onions and desperation! So I’m sitting there minding my own business and she starts bragging about her son. Who is seven and she claims is so excellent at karate and he’s been doing it for two years! I asked her which child it was and when she pointed him out he was a yellow belt! (means he’s only been doing karate for 4-8 months) And so I said “If he’s been doing karate for two years, why is he still a yellow belt?” Then she proceeds to stutter and says how he took a month or two off, then the month or two grows to 8 months, but it had to be longer than that, I mean, do the math! But then she starts talking about how good he is and I almost said “SHUTUPFLOOZYWHORE!” (soup through the nose again) because ya know what? The kid wasn’t very good!!!!

After Steve stopped choking on his soup he kept laughing and saying “Booze and onions and desperation….SHUTUPFLOOZYWHORE!!!!” all night long….Seriously though….. Shut the hell up Floozywhore!