by Our Neighbors

First: After you move in, have your teenage children siphon gas from the neighbors until months pass and hundreds of dollars of gas have been stolen, neighbor finally puts locking gas cap on vehicle.

Second: When your neighbor goes out of town and their dog decides to go nuts, knock on every door in the neighborhood complaining long and loud about the dog. Never go straight to the neighbor who has a key and the cell phone number to contact your out-of-town neighbor.

Third: After making such a huge deal about barking dog, put your own dog outside and have it bark non-stop all day long EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Fourth: Be the only person in the neighborhood to take your dog on daily walks and NEVER once pick up the poop. Also, let your dog out your front door to go poop in all the other neighbors’ yards. Never notice that you have NEVER picked up poop even though you have two dogs.

Fifth: Tell neighbor you are putting up new, higher fence between yards. Without warning, go over and tell neighbor, who is leaving town within the hour that you are taking down fence TODAY. When neighbor says I can’t make plans to remove my dogs from my yard today, without any warning whatsoever, tell neighbor it’s not your problem and fence will be down for a few weeks.

Sixth: Be cheap and cut your pool service to once a month instead of once a week. Then blame neighbors for their tree throwing leaves into your pool. Go over and ask neighbor if you can trim tree. When neighbor says ok, come back with a paper for them to sign saying they have given their permission TO CUT DOWN TREES IN THEIR YARD. When neighbor balks, threaten neighbor.

Oh yes folks, he threatened me last night. He actually said “Well if we can’t cut down your trees, then we’ll have to see who pays, because my pool pump broke.” Oh yes, folks, this is for real. And he reeked of booze.