Scout’s Honor is poking at me and telling me to blog. This is after she viciously rick rolled me yesterday without remorse. Hrrmmppphh. I’m still recovering. And still waiting for the recipe she bait and switched.

So you missed it last week when the doctor told me that I needed to wear something “girdle-like” to help the hernia. My “friends” didn’t miss that though. Oh NO. You have no idea the amount of sh!t I have taken since last week from my so-called friends. I see them and they grin, look at my waist and say “So…… you wearing a girdle under that?” I know! Right?….wait…. you feelin’ my pain or just laughing at me and wanting to join in? One of my “friends” is shopping around for a bedazzled girdle to send me, the bitch. Suffice it to say, I wore a rib guard ONCE and was so disgusted, I tore it off and tried to throw it at someone. Of course, it got stuck in the waistband of my pants and painfully snapped back.

So besides the girdle trauma, I got sick. It’s currently sitting in my chest and doesn’t want to leave. And coughing is bad for the hernia. Actually most things are bad for the hernia. Like pants. I’m sitting here like a fattie after Thanksgiving dinner with my jeans unzipped because they were putting pressure on the hernia. Oh yes. This is what my life has been reduced to.

We have a Karate tournament coming up.  I’m going to have to sit this one out. Since my intestines are protruding from the abdominal wall, I’m fairly certain it’s not safe to be kicked or punched in the stomach. Judging by the look on the doctor’s face when I said I still wanted to spar until I had surgery, I’m guessing it’s not a good thing. Just a thin layer of skin between you and my guts. Comforting thought, isn’t it?

Anyway, at some point in the next few weeks I’m going to have to have surgery. Then there will be no more girdle jokes. Or I will use it as a slingshot and hurt you. ;P