Deck the halls!

It’s that time of year where bloggers all over the world start awarding and memeing and in general spreading blogly joy. And I know I just made up a whole bunch of words, but since the blog police were laid off for Christmas, I’m pretty much doing what I want.   Oh wait. I always do that. So Judy awarded me a Merry Christmas award. I’m not really sure what it is, but it sure is puuurrttttty, isn’t it? Since I never follow the rules, if you’re reading this, you just got Merry Christmas awarded. Because that’s how I roll.

So then I’m surfing around, minding my own business, when Tendrils decided to maim me. I mean meme me. Hey, that’s three me’s in a row. MEME ME! No, I haven’t been hitting the eggnog.  It’s always like this in my head.

SO without further ado, my Christmas maim. I mean, meme. Oooohhh three me’s again.

Wrapping paper or gift bags? Gift bags are somehow wrong at Christmas time. Annoyingly so. Especially due to peekers. So I wrap ‘em.

Real tree or artificial? I’ve never in my life had an artificial tree. We usually go to a tree farm and cut down our own, although the last 2 years we’ve used the same live tree and will drag it inside again this year. One year when I was single and broke, some of my friends showed up at the door with a Christmas tree with lights already on it. I suspect that they liberated it from someplace, but I was overjoyed to have a tree. That’s what friends are for. To steal shit for you for Christmas.

When do you put up the tree? Sigh. It’s still not up.

When do you take the tree down? When it becomes embarassing to still have the tree up. lol.

Do you like eggnog? No. Ew. lol.

Favorite gift received? Christmas 2000. My son.

Do you have a nativity scene? Yes. But son #1 would not stop playing with it when he was little and several of the figures are broken. He broke the baby Jesus!

Hardest person to buy for? Ugh. My father. Hands down. He hates everything you give him and returns it and has everything he needs. He even shops for himself around Christmas time just to make sure no one can buy him anything he likes. His sister is the exact same way. I don’t even give her gifts anymore because she hates them. Sigh.

Easiest person to buy for? Son #1.

Worst Christmas gift you ever received? I was engaged many moons ago to someone else and he gave me a mixer for Christmas. I don’t know if that was the worst, but certainly an odd gift from a fiance. Turned out I loved that mixer more than him and still have it. lol.

Mail or email Christmas cards? Neither. Since having children I just don’t even do it. lol. I suck.

Favorite Christmas movie? The old Rudolph movie with the clay animation. I LOVE those movies.

When do you start shopping for Christmas? Ideally in October. But that doesn’t always happen these days.

Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?  No. I just can’t bring myself to do that. There’s something inherently wrong with that.

Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Fudge. Oh God, the fudge. Reminds me of my grandma.

Clear lights or colored on the tree? Clear.

Favorite Christmas song? It’s a real toss up between White Christmas by Johnny Mathis and Jimmy Buffet’s Christmas Island. lol.

Travel at Christmas or stay home? We try to stay home. We’ve spent the last 15 years being pulled from my family’s to his and we’ve finally put our foot down and said we’re staying home.

Can you name all of Santa’s reindeer? Yes. I just checked.

Angel on the tree top or a star? Depends. Son #2 loves the tacky aluminum foil star glued onto a toilet paper roll but I secretly love the angel.

Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? We let the kids open a few on Christmas Eve, but save the majority for Christmas morning.

Most annoying thing about this time of year? OBNOXIOUS SHOPPERS!

What I love most about Christmas? The magic of the season and watching people open gifts I’ve given them.

Since it’s Christmas and I want to spread the love around, I’m given’ ya’ll ALL the Merry Christmas award AND maiming, I mean, memeing you. Thank you, Bloglines, for making it so easy to tag 50 people. LOL! Happy Holidays everyone!

:: acid indignation ::

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~~Sugar Queen’s Dream~~

 

My best day ever

Today I am having my best WordPress day ever. Ok, it’s no where near the 50,000 hits a day I got on my best days at Spaces, but it’s my best WordPress day ever.  The statistics are such that I don’t even know exactly where the hits are coming from. Most of them seem to be going to an entry I did on rolfing when I first started blogging here. This is a tad bit frustrating, but what I find most most frustrating of all is that they are many “top blogs” that are ranking up in the Top Posts in WordPress or Top Blogs and quite frankly, I don’t know how they got there. I read the content and it….sucks. I even read the content in Spanish to make sure there’s not some elusive blog quality I might be missing. Like today I read the blog Esto es un blog. Ok that’s the description. In English it means This is a blog. And as I go on to read the profile and entry, my eyelids start to sag, I start to lose focus and then I get pissed off. Seriously, he’s talking about eating donuts with some dude named Nacho and I’m sticking my neck out here telling the world I hadn’t shaved my legs in a week! The furryness was so bad, Steve grabbed a nail clipper and was trying to trim it like a smart ass while I’m on the phone. And yet Nacho and his compadres are ranking up at the top of WordPress! WTF?!

I visit Technorati and it’s the same thing. Give me some FUNNY blogs. I want root-beer-through-the-nose funny. I DEMAND root-beer-through-the-nose funny. Or give me something to think about. Thought provoking. And for God’s sake spare me the I love Jesus talk (there really was no pun intended there.) I absolutely HATE when I come to a blog and they’ve got the in-your-face Jesus talk. Like so uncomfortably Jesus oriented that you need to leave immediately lest you get God all over you and your shoes. Oh I love God and all, but yesterday he hated me. He might still hate me today.

I don’t want to hear either about how we should pull out of Iraq, or about which politician is more corrupt. Isn’t corrupt the definition of politician? I’m pretty sure I looked that one up. 

I think what this comes down to is I am in search of my peeps. DB Cooper blogged that he went in search of his peeps. Now he’s fricken’ funny. He’s my type of peeps. Maybe we need to share blogrolls.

And I found this new blog called The Underpaid Kept Woman. When she fell off her ladder because Churchie McJesus rang the doorbell to ensure that Jesus Christ was her Lord and Savior and startled her, I literally almost died laughing.

I’ve been reading Scott Adams lately and Scott’s a smart guy. He’s funny AND thought provoking. Ok I don’t always want to think, but laugh, yes, I always want to laugh.

And I found this blog called Anonymous Lawyer that’s pretty damn funny. Ok, it must be because my heart is dark and shriveled and 10 sizes too small that I find it funny. Because Steve just sat there horrified. I told him he needs to get out there and meet more lawyers or something. But he just said “You have your father’s dark and shriveled heart.”

My friend, Becky, turned me onto a blog called The Naked Ovary. I like parenting blogs that view the daily insanity we go through as parents with a sense of humor. This lady is funny because she just adopted a 14 month old little girl from China. And everything you’ve already been through as a parent she finds new, horrifying and shocking. Like the fact that babies can shit UP their backs and manage to soil every clean piece of laundry (yours and theirs) that you own. Or that babies wake up in the middle of the night and want to play. ALLLLL NIGHHT. It’s funny to relive those things through the eyes of someone whose never been there and has NOT been eased into it. I imagine this is much like it will be when my sister has children (you didn’t just see me make the sign of the cross.)

I can just hear the phone calls now, 2 a.m. and my sister on the other end of the phone screaming “WTF IS THIS? HOW CAN SHIT FROM THEIR ASS GET INTO THEIR HAIR? IT’S LIKE THERE WAS A SHIT HURRICANE INSIDE THE PAJAMAS!” and “DOESN’T THIS KID KNOW MY KATE SPADE PURSE IS NOT A BOAT AND DOES NOT BELONG IN THE BATHTUB?” I give her 6 months tops before she tries to put the kid up on Ebay.

But I digress. I am still wondering why certain blogs are at the top and I was searching for my peeps. I was also wondering how some of you lurkers found your way here.  Perhaps I’m just in search of people I can relate to.  I had an 11 year old girl (allegedly) post today and link to her blog. And I go to check it out and it has her name, her parents and sibling names, her school, where she lives. And in my head I’m screaming “OMG! WHO IS SUPERVISING THIS KID?!” If this kid is truly 11, she’s probably the most literate 11 year old I’ve ever met. That’s not even mentioning the fact that she is Indian so English is her second language. (Ah, now the allegedly becomes clear.) Oh look, all the pedophiles just got up and left my blog….

So here’s a toast to my best day at WordPress. And to finding my peeps. And to stepping on all those people while I climb over them to get to the top. Salud!