My search engine referrals are an endless source of entertainment. Sometimes I will sit there laughing so hard I’m crying. Other times I will just stare blinking at the screen in shock. And sometimes I wonder how whoever searched for this, gets through the day without a helmet. So now, for your perusal, some search terms from the last seven days along with some color commentary from yours truly:
trampoline slut (so jumpy with the whoriness)
how to speak slowly (Directions: move mouth and tongue s-l-o-w-e-r)
devil bag alcool (What the hell?! No pun intended.)
sex free (oh that’s here…)
naked cooks (so is that)
breakfast power balls (scrotum for breakfast?)
satanism (right here, people!)
“jewish guilt” “catholic guilt” (we hold regular seminars here)
morphine 4 mg. 13 yr. old toe broken (I hate it how my toe is younger than me)
” headache which I still have.” (I hear that’s an actual medical diagnosis)
“naked activities” (I regularly list those: Bathing, cooking, gardening……)
jet puffed fudge microwave (Willy Wonka, is that you?)
jesus and coffee (These are a few of my favorite things!)
germaphobe stay at home mom (Finally! Someone came to the right place.)
smart ass wife (who me?!)
quotes about eating crawfish (Ok here’s mine: “Do NOT eat crawfish and then touch your eyeballs, your privates or someone else’s sensitive parts. ” That’s just sound advice when your hands are full of cayenne pepper.)
bathe me rant (I would LOVE for someone to tell me where I can find the real bathe me rant.)
my dog is very sick from eating candy corns (Oh, honestly!)
characteristics of a squirrel in a dream (They’re all chattery and running around. Oh and it means you will eat lots of nuts tomorrow.)
“candy corn addiction” (I feel your pain. Betty Ford can help.)
when are you going to paint in spanish (Well, usually I like to paint in English. My Spanish paintings all end up having mustaches.)
+”white trash” +symbol (It’s a mullet. I can’t believe you didn’t know that.)
dirty roses are red poems (I get this one nearly every day. So here you go: Roses are red, violets are blue, Trash is dirty and so are you.)
torture bra (I’ve got a few of those. Would you like to borrow one?)
crunchy pain in chest (You’re eating too many chips. Lay off.)
are we going to san francisco (Sigh. You’re asking me?)
Susan naked (Yeah, um… she even cooks like that!)
photos susan naked (I’m sorry, she’s not cool with me posting those.)
clean my chi (I am CONSTANTLY trying to clean my chi. It gets so filthy!)
I think I’m going to get fired (Perhaps you should get off the internet and get to work?)
afro hair timeline (Look. It started when I was a kid. It keeps getting bigger. There’s nothing I can do about it.)
nipple twitch (Ew. I hope I don’t get one of those.)
bycicle seat with testicle hole (Right. They’re also developing one with a hooha hole.)
strawberry sex free (Aw, Ms. Shortcake, you’re better than that.)
soapy penis (Silence.)
“scuba diving” “take a dump” (ooooohhhh. I’m going to pretend I didn’t read that.)
did a dingo take the baby (Why yes. That dingo stole my baby!)
whore slap face (Stare. Blink.)
dream rat biting a squirrell (I’ve noticed they fight a lot.)
I swear. All the weirdos come here. Sigh. 
FREE TIBET!
Hang on, people, I’ll be back soon. 
