Eight Random Facts…

I was visiting Melissa’s blog last night, laughing my hindquarters off, when I get to the end of the post and realize—DOH! I’ve been tagged. Yes, I was specifically picked to tell you eight random facts about myself.

1. I hate reality TV. I can not understand how people WANT to humiliate themselves on national television. Those jackasses jumping up and down behind reporters? I almost die of embarassment for them. I can’t watch. It’s worse than public speaking. I don’t like cameras, watching myself on camera, and even pictures are a stretch. It’s an illness, I know.

2. Here’s a random fact: As a freshman in high school, I was named Varsity MVP for swimming. I lettered all four years in swimming.

3. By the time I was ten years old, I had a cake decorating business. That’s right folks, you can just call me mini Martha.

4. People that have been coming here for a long time know that I hate feet. That’s right, feet. I can’t stand ugly feet. And it’s very rare that people have attractive feet. Sometimes it makes me nauseous just looking at someone’s feet. <shudder>

5. If you met me on the street, you would think I have a “west coast” accent. When we moved to the west coast from Louisiana when I was a teenager, I used to sit in my room and practice saying words like a Californian because I was teased so relentlessly. My “west coast” accent is nearly flawless, except if I’m drunk, tired or talking to another southerner. There are still words I struggle with constantly and sometimes you will hear me repeating a word several times to get it right. Words I still struggle with: towel, stroller, Tyler, horrible, wash, and thing (if I’ve been talking to someone from the south. THANG is hard to shake.) Actually, most words that end in “er” are hard. It’s sort of like the Hollywood actors who have had a voice coach and are imitating an accent. I slip up every now and then.

6. I loathe dirty children. I can’t stand snotty noses, dirty faces or smelly kids. My children are bathed, with their hair washed, every single day. Their clothes are clean and unstained. Even when they are sick, I will bathe them before taking them to the doctor. My children have never been out in public in their pajamas. When the kids were younger, if my friends or relatives brought over their kids and they were dirty, into the bathtub they all went. Dirty kids don’t leave my house still dirty. Now that the kids are older, I have to tolerate more filth from other children. But in the summer, I tell them it’s time to play in the sprinkler. That way, kids still leave clean. I’m sneaky that way. You wouldn’t believe how bad fifth graders can start to smell. It’s another illness, I know.

7. I love numbers and hate math. I memorize tons of numbers like phone numbers, birthdates, social security numbers, driver licenses, credit card numbers, etc. It’s frightening the strings of numbers stored in my head. I have to focus to NOT memorize every phone number I dial or pattern of numbers I come across. But math? HATE. IT.

8. I can change a tire. In fact, when I was 7 months pregnant, I ended up with two flat tires while Steve was out of town and changed three of the tires that afternoon because I had to put the spare on the back. I was so pregnant that when I sat down, I had to open up my legs so that my belly could rest on the ground while I was changing it. When son #1 was in first grade I got a flat tire at school and as I was scooting under the car (the spare was stored underneath) a crowd of moms gathered to watch me because none of them knew how to change a tire and all of them wanted to know why I didn’t call road service. (Duhhh, I can have the tire changed and be gone before road service even gets there.)

So there you have it, eight, random, weird facts about yours truly. And guess what? I’m passing the meme onto: Jessica, Alfred, Judy, Hotfessional, Mommy has Tattoos, A mommy story, Jeff, Charlie, Beau, Heather, Dr Bolte, Brandy, and Dawn.

 

Suck it Martha!

When I was eight years old, my cousin showed me how to decorate cakes. By the time I was ten, I had a little business going selling cakes. On and off throughout my life I’ve sold cakes. I love cake decorating. It’s like art with food. I had kind of gotten away from decorating cakes by the time I had reached my late twenties, but having children renewed my cake decorating passion. I started making elaborate cakes again, spending hours and hours decorating them. We NEVER have store bought cakes. In fact, several times when crisis came around and making a cake caused great stress, Steve would suggest we BUY a cake. Everytime I look at him as if he’s suggested we eat garbage.

I don’t think I mentioned son #2’s birthday party is today. We considered cancelling the party, except the party place doesn’t have another opening until April and his birthday has already been postponed several times due to the wedding and funeral. So even though I am having a hell of a time with son #1 right now, you guessed it, I insisted on making son #2’s birthday cake.

 Lately I’ve seen this trend in cake decorating where a bunch of cupcakes are grouped together and iced like a cake. I decided this method would be the easiest and fastest way to get son #2 his birthday cake. I have to say, it’s a pretty fast method and son #2 is thrilled. And I got to have a little fun. Martha Stewart can just suck it.